Investigating Experienced Living And Principled Living Part 1

 

 Investigating Experienced Living And Principled Living 

I am writing this Blog as I am listening to a Audio from Bernard Poolman on Experience Living and Principle Living. I will write in self-forgiveness as I listen and anything that moves within me, or any other points come up. 

The Audio is available here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMQMziVXReI

from up until 1:48min
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to change my living from "experience" to "principled" living from the starting point of self-interest, where I want to live by principle just to benefit myself, to do the good and right thing, to still only have a experience, where this new experience is "principle" - Seeing and realizing that this is he EGO high-jacking the point, taking the point of principle living and taking it to an experience instead of a living as who I am in and as the physical that is not based on how I FEEL, and what my experience will be, rather it is a living action as a doing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR letting go of experience living, where I can experience things and "feel" alive, seeing and realizing that this feeling and experience of being ALIVE is not in fact me being alive, as I am alive even without experience or feeling, and thus what makes me alive if the physical, as that which is real, as the breath I take in, as the food that I eat, as the earth that I exist on and gives me LIFE, and they all do so without needing experience or feeling alive, they are alive/life and so I see and realize I ust stand equal and one as LIFE as being...... Alive, living and doing what is best for all life in my actions, doing, daily living as what is needed as best for all and thus me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge giving up living for experiences as "negative" as giving up LIFE, as giving up FUN and ENJOYMENT and giving up the ONLY things that makes me HAPPY,yet I have not GIVEN LIFE as being ALIVE as my breath a chance within principle, as a real living being that is independent from energy and experiences MOVING me like a slave to a whip, but rather I am the living experience of and as LIFE directing me as LIFE as ALIVE as a LIVING being in and as the physical within principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Desire to experience.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to experience (negative and positive). 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define EXPERIENCE as life, as I have in this world only even "felt" good when I experienced something, and so created the connection that experience must be good and must be life, not seeing and realizing that my life and life on earth is a result of me and everyone only seeking and living for experience, which is hell on earth for most of life on earth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR the resistance I will have living by Principle, and that I will not be strong enough in my WILL to stand by principle and to move through the friction/conflict that might arise, and that I will give into experience as it feels familiar, comfortable and nice, and so give up on myself and my best utmost potential as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself within believing I can have BOTH worlds, I can experience as energy and stand by principle and get away with doing so, as I as my ego knows best and no matter what anyone else says, I can do it differently. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to EXPERIENCE and FELL something "wrong" within me giving up experience living, as if I am giving up something of myself, not seeing and realizing that I am giving up the past and forgiving myself as energy so that the new as LIFE can move in and move forward as the me as life as a living being within principle, not as experience. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that as long as hell exist on earth, as long as a starving child exist on earth, as long as suffering of other beings exist on earth, and any all experience is dishonest and a form of escape from reality as life here. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE from myself how my seeking for experience living has created hell for myself and my life, even when it seemed great and fun in the beginning, it turned into what illusion it was and is, and that all experience living I have done has always ended in negativity, and so within and so without, and that when I investigate my past for real, I actually sit and see and look at memories and assess the present as accumulated reality nothing has improved and nothing has gotten better and the "experiences" I had (negative and positive) has not lead to a better life for myself or all life thus far, only accumulated what is here as the mess on earth. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I do not know where to start or how. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already FAIL within starting. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to before even giving life a chance, already give into the present and future experiences I want and desire and to rather want it all to play out, rather than standing here as life as principle and move through the resistances/conflicts as needed, using the tools I have to support myself and to put in the work and effort to rebirth myself as life within principle. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already make and create and design my "journey" into an experience, into a story, into something I can talk about and tell people about, and so taking principle and process into an experience living thing, rather than a living thing that is here daily, not as memory and past. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized how subtle the ego is in every word, in every perspective, in any moment to take what is understood and placing it into a self-interest point of view that creates experience living, even when one sees principle, understands it, it is turned into an experience living, another story that will disappear like the hippies did.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I do must have a feeling to it, an energy to it for it to be real, to be true. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that reality as the physical as the living is a TRUE experience as life in the physical and thus the true experience is the physical reality all life one and equal live in together as the whole as all. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so TRAPPED and stuck inside of myself as my own experience of me and my world that I have not been able to get out of it or see a way out just for myself, and so even when a solution and direction is given, I in my RUE, where I am trapped in, will already give into the experience not even wanting to move a bone in my body to get out, to live to be here as a living PRINCIPLE and to see what it is to live like a TREE, the air we breathe, the water we drink, as they all do not need "experience" to give and be alive, and to stand equal and one as life and give myself a DAMN chance no matter how I FEEL or experience myself, to break the chains of my mind, of my past of my thoughts, of my emotions and feelings and to live with them no more and to no more define myself as them as limitation and to give principle as LIFE as living a chance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give only parts of my day to principle living. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep principle living as an idea mostly, and to never truly push and stand within myself, my daily living and activities and to so push beyond. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have given experience living dominance over my life my whole life and that what I need to do to live by principle will be like learning to walk again, to stand again, to breath naturally again, to be here again as life as the physical and that I must be gentle with myself, yet stern and direct with my mind participation and stopping it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in and give up the moment the labor of rebirth "feels" a bit too much and to fall back into experience living, to let go of my breathing and to let go of my principle and to getting myself stuck in a time-loop that never ends as I always push and then stop almost immediately and so in the end, end up saying - LOOK, this process does not work, it is a BAD experience, it does not help anyone, what is the point, and so return back to experience living as it is easy and quick and I can always recreate experiences to stay entertained and trapped inside of myself to feel comfortable with familiarity, even when it is obviously not best. 

To be continued on Part 2, Interview 2.